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“am i wrong for being ungrateful when my parents buy me expensive things?”
"this is honestly very trivial, but i’m feeling like an a**hole whenever my parents buy me expensive things that i never asked for/didn’t want, and i usually end up rarely using them. i’m in high school right now, this most recently occurred when my mum bought me a new uniform shirt and tie when i’d told her i’d like to keep wearing my current one. she has her own judgments about what ‘needs’ to be bought, apparently she deemed that my current uniform had gotten too old. this has also happened when she bought me an apple watch - i feel guilty for not using it, but since i never wanted it it’s hard to find a use for it, even though i have tried. the same story goes for a bunch of clothes she’s bought me.
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"i’m very anti-overconsumption so partially why i feel bad that she’s bought me the new uniform is because there is a specialised second-hand uniform shop at my school which she probably thought was too, idk, rundown? she’s quite disdainful of buying things second hand and prefers them new."
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"mostly though, we really aren’t that well off and i’m very careful with how i spend my, and my family’s, money. it just hurts a little to see my parents work hard to earn but then spend it on things i don’t even want because they think i’ll be grateful for it. i do try to be, but since i never wanted what they bought me in the first place, it just ends up unused, and my anger gets redirected to them. i end up getting pi**ed that they bought me stuff in the first place.
so should i be grateful to them? is it wrong for me to feel ungrateful/not use the things they buy me? i do know they have good intentions, i just can’t bring myself to appreciate it. i just want an honest judgment of my situation, tell me if my feelings are unjustified."
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Parenting also requires learning to listen in order to understand a child's sense of what they need and value, beyond parents' expectations. Having that conversation openly can change the outcome. Children are different individuals; they aren't extensions of their parents, which means they'd most probably differ from their parents in what they want, how they think, and how they experience the world.
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Being a teenager these days is pretty different from being a teenager when many parents grew up. Different times come with different needs. So, parents have to adapt constantly. They can use their own experience as a guide, but it shouldn't be the only reference point if they really want to understand their children. Without being open to that, it can easily lead to an emotional distance in the relationship. And I'm sure that's something no one wants. So giving kids space to speak and actually listening before acting on assumptions can make a real difference.
It's not a black-and-white situation. It's not about parents being right or wrong, or kids being right or wrong. It's about learning to hear the people we care about, but most importantly, make them feel heard.
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presterjohn7171
Just stop opening stuff leave them sealed and immediately put them on Facebook for sale half price. They will soon get the message. -
Certain_Positive_465
You're not wrong. You're not ungrateful, you're just practical. They're buying things you never asked for, and watching them waste money they worked hard for is frustrating. You can appreciate the intention while still hating the waste. Those two things can exist at the same time. -
Careful-Self-457
Have you sat down and had a quiet conversation with your mom about how you feel? Because until you have a conversation no one knows how you feel.
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